


The Fool and the Hanged Man

by Metztlii_K



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Character deterioration, Drugs, Fame, M/M, Stars, The Great Gatsby References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 01:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11243235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metztlii_K/pseuds/Metztlii_K
Summary: “It’s not good to fall in love with someone whose ultimate purpose in life...” Jongin looked into Sehun’s eyes, and for once, Sehun saw clearly how each of Jongin’s tears held their own galaxies, “...is to die.”At 3 am, Jongin sleeps next to Sehun and dreams of flying.





	1. Walls

**Author's Note:**

> I'm an idiot. I accidentally deleted this lol. At least it gave me a chance to edit it to my current satisfaction.  
> Same warnings apply: drugs, character death, so on.  
> I hope EXO stay happy with their current status, whatever it may be.

Oh Sehun didn’t really remember how he came across Kim Jongin. All he recalled was one stifling night, a man moving with the grace of a cat who slipped into the seat next to him and snatched the cocktail out of his hands. Sehun stared as the mysterious man downed the sparkling, orange liquid in one gulp, before asking for another.

 

“Sex on the Beach,” Jongin muttered, tongue darting out to gather up the remaining traces of alcohol on his lips. The night became a haze after his arrival and after pointless small talk, it was Sehun who leant forward and experimented with a light peck.

 

Jongin’s finger chased Sehun’s lips, eyes dark with possession. Eventually, it wandered down, hooking itself in Sehun’s belt loop and pulled him forward by the hips. Jongin growled and attacked Sehun’s lips with fervour.  

 

Sehun found himself slammed against Jongin’s front door as the man sucked on his jugular.

 

Jongin liked dancing, proving his skill as he rolled into Sehun’s body, hips fluid like water. Sehun didn’t think that it was possible or fair for someone to have so much elegance while chasing their release but Jongin did, arching back and bared his own throat as he buried himself as deep inside Sehun as he could, broken moans escaping his plump lips.

 

They alternated between sleeping, kissing and talking. After a particularly heated session that ended at 3 am sharp, Jongin collapsed on the other side of the bed and talked about dreams and hopes. He was facing away, but Sehun could picture his lazy, sexy eyes lightening up like the stars after twilight.

 

Jongin was a star, but he was a falling star, Sehun eventually realised.

 

From then on, 3 am became their dreaming hour. After sex, Jongin would always curl up on the edge of the bed, away from Sehun. At first, Sehun never questioned, merely letting the tan body roll off him in fatigue muttering about his future. One night, at exactly 3:30 am, Sehun was feeling particularly thirsty, so he strutted into the now-familiar kitchen to get a glass of water. When he returned, he was fuelled by a desire to run his hand through Jongin’s silky brown locks and give him a forehead kiss.

 

When Sehun knelt in front of Jongin, he was surprised to see tears streaming down Jongin’s cheek. But Jongin wasn’t sobbing or crying. He was silent.

 

 

***

 

 

After that night, Sehun started avoiding Jongin. He knew that it was cowardly to do so, but Sehun was afraid. He was afraid of what Jongin might expect him to do. He was afraid of being expected to become the permanent in a world where the constant does not exist.

 

Yet his own legs always guided him back to Jongin’s front door. A modest, whitewashed, hardwood door. Sehun remembered fondly the first night he tried to open the door but was pushed aside by a horny Jongin whom, after opening the heavy door, pushed Sehun against it and ravished his neck.

 

The door opened very quickly as if Jongin had been waiting. Sehun smiled bashfully as Jongin moved out of the way and flopped onto an expensive-looking sofa. But then again, there was something about Jongin that blessed every object he touched with opulence.

 

Jongin pushed him onto the Persian rug in front of the TV and rode him, breathing out moans and cries that always seemed to let a part of his trapped soul escape. Sehun realised much later that Jongin was very much trapped in his own world, with high walls of expectation barricading his freedom.

 

“One day, I will scale those walls,” Jongin’s voice sounded far away. Without looking at his face, Sehun knew that his eyes were watery, holding a far-away look tinged with desperation and hopes of another life, “and I will break free.”

 

“Will I be coming?” Sehun joked, poking Jongin’s side. Jongin stilled for a long time and Sehun tensed up, afraid that he had said something wrong. Slowly, Sehun relaxed when he realised that Jongin merely fell asleep. Curiosity creeping up on Sehun compelled him to crawl over Jongin’s lithe, relaxed body and check his face.

 

Jongin’s sleeping face, unlike the books, wouldn’t be described as angelic. Instead, there was something timeless about it. Perfect, unmarred skin untouched, or trapped, by time.

 

There were no tears that night. Sehun settled next to Jongin, feeling unease bubbling. It felt like the calm before a storm.

 

 

***

 

 

It was the murmuring of the TV, followed by extensive research on the internet that made Sehun realise one “tiny, unimportant” fact Jongin didn’t share.

 

Jongin was a celebrity.

 

His stage name was Kai.

 

Sehun fucked a celebrity.

 

Everyone in Seoul knew the dancing prodigy Kai. His skills won international competitions and Asia’s heart, but someone so famous could not possibly live such a modest and humble life. Sehun has never heard Jongin mention his other life, which Sehun assumed, he purposely hid. Sehun wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel. Contempt? Betrayed?

 

Jongin could instantly tell what happened as soon as Sehun stepped into his house. Sehun watched in fascination as Jongin’s guard rose, and the cold front Kai emerged.

 

“You found out, didn’t you?” Kai sneered, extremely uncharacteristic of Jongin, but everyone knew Kai’s famous smirk. It was the innocence and trust unique only to Jongin that Sehun did not recognise.

 

“You hid from me,” Sehun tried to sound neutral, but could not help a hint of accusation.

 

“No, you were merely oblivious.”

 

Sehun’s fist clenched, biting his lip to force down anger bubbling inside him.

 

“You didn’t trust me.”

 

Kai was silent for a long time and looked at the ground. The white noise from the TV filled the stillness, and on a different day, Sehun would assume that Jongin was tired. Now he realised that Jongin, or Kai, was constantly tired. Tired of hiding much more than normal 20-year-olds had to.  

 

“Why do you care?” Kai asked quietly.

 

The murmur of the TV dimmed in comparison to the ringing in Sehun’s ears.

 

“Maybe because my stupid heart decided to fall in love with a heartless soul like you?” Sehun cried, storming forward until they were face to face, noses touching. The two were the same height but today, Jongin felt so small.

 

“I tried desperately to look for signs that maybe, even just slightly, that you would let me into your life, Jongin. Do you think that I don’t see the tears running down your face everytime you talk about dreams like they’re universes away?”

 

“Because they are, Sehun,” Kai reverted back to Jongin, vulnerability creeping into his voice. Sehun wanted to pull the boy into his arms that instant, but curse his anger and pride that locked his body in place. Maybe if Sehun had acted differently that night, everything would have changed.

 

“I’ll...leave you some time to think,” Sehun whispered, a hand jerking up to stroke Jongin’s hair, but decided against it, shaking his head.

 

The slam of the front door as Sehun walked out sounded like the cadence to a tragic finale.

 

 

 

***

 

 

Two days later, Sehun received a voice message.

 

_“I have something to say. Do you know where to find me?”_

 

By some miracle, Sehun’s legs guided him to the Han River bridge. Somehow, he instinctively knew that Jongin was on it somewhere. Not Kai, but Jongin, hanging onto the world by a thread.

 

_"I’m coming."_

 

Out of breath, Sehun finally reached the middle of the bridge. Twilight shrouded the bustling city in a blanket of grey calm, layering a sheet of black over the river. Up here, the howling wind silenced the sound of the city. It was just Jongin and Sehun here; the rest of the world did not matter.

 

“How did you know?” Jongin’s voice was soft as he turned around, and flicked the cigarette he was smoking. Both of them watch it fall pass Jongin’s dangling legs and into the dark water below.

 

“Eventually, we are going to end up like that, once we’ve outlived our use,” Kai sneered, stood up and stuck his hands into his pocket.

 

“No, everything can be reused,” Sehun argued, but as soon as he said that, he cursed himself silently.

 

“Seriously? Is that the best you can come up with?” Kai laughed, hollow and dark.

 

“Jongin, you have a purpose-“

 

“Don’t bullshit to me about purpose!” Kai exploded, stomping towards Sehun and grabbing his collar. Sehun bit his lip to stop his whimpers of pain and tears.

 

“Did my own purpose stop my mother from jumping in front of a train when her eldest son died? The expectations I forced onto myself after my brother died made my life a living hell. But did it have any outcome in the end? My purpose in life, Oh Sehun, was to _die_ the moment the world made it clear that it didn’t want me anymore. Don’t even start on the international star bullshit. You know as well as I do that any minute I can be beaten and I would not matter anymore because I have outlived my so-called ‘purpose’.”

 

Jongin took a deep breath, eyes softening.

 

“It’s not good to fall in love with someone whose ultimate purpose in life...” Jongin looked into Sehun’s eyes, and for once, Sehun saw clearly how each of Jongin’s tears held their own galaxies, “...is to die.”

 

With wide eyes, Sehun desperately shook his head and reached up to grip Jongin’s arm tightly. Jongin eventually lets go of Sehun’s collar and let out a quiet sigh that echoed the world’s broken dreams. Sehun’s hand danced down Jongin’s arm but drew back just as he touched Jongin’s callous palm.

 

The two boys stood together on the bridge until nightfall took over. The moon that night was shrouded by a pale, white cloud.

 

“I want you to make your own decision.” Sehun broke the silence quietly.

 

Jongin looked up, the dim city light on either side of the river reflected in his glassy, brown eyes. Sehun desperately wished that they would turn on and emit their own brightness, but they probably burnt out years ago.

 

“I want to be a firework,” Jongin whispered quietly, turning to face the edge of the bridge, “live short, but burn brighter than the eternal stars in the sky.”

 

“What about me then?” Sehun asked, desperation invading his being until his next sentence became words embedded with hopelessness, despair and love, “are you leaving me alone?”

 

Jongin turned back to face Sehun, and after a while stepped towards Sehun.

 

“Do you trust me?”

 

Sehun took a stuttering breath and nodded. Tears began to fill his eyes again.

 

“Close your eyes.”

 

And the tears fell.

 

Sehun felt a thumb gently wipe them away, touch as gentle as the summer breeze. Jongin ceased contact for a pregnant moment, then Sehun felt lips touch his own. The kiss was chaste, beautiful and so full of emotion Jongin wanted to express but kept locked inside. Sehun was at a lost for words.

 

_“Thank you. I love you.”_

 

Sehun’s eyes instinctively flew open, just in time to see Jongin cross the distance between him and the end of the bridge. Then he vanished.  

 

 

 

***

 

 

Sehun didn’t hear from him for three days. Sehun merely assumed that Jongin needed some time off. It wasn’t until the news reported a famous celebrity in a dangerous position that his brain went into high alert, and mini Sehuns started running around inside his brain, waving their tiny arms.

 

_Where is Jongin!?_

 

There was a visible crowd gathered underneath the building of a prestigious skyscraper apartment. The floor-to-ceiling windows reflected Seoul at midnight in all its bustling glory and a tiny, almost invisible figure leant over the edge of the roof. Sehun’s heart climbed into his throat, and adrenaline began to pump into Sehun’s veins, sending Sehun’s body into overdrive.

 

Sehun pushed past the crowd and began to climb the stairs, fatigue forgotten as his own body propelled himself up the tall building with a power he did not know he possessed.

Sehun reached the rooftop just in time. Jongin turned back and gave him a smile brighter than any stars or fireworks. It shone like the quasars that exist on the edge of the universe. The result of a star explosion.

 

“I’m flying,” Jongin whispered, words slurred but somehow, Sehun could hear it over the screaming wind.

 

Sehun’s heart climbed into his throat, blocking all words, his own breathing.

 

For one frozen moment, life was perfect. Jongin’s glassy eyes were alive and brighter than anything Sehun has ever seen.

 

Then Sehun watched Jongin let go.

 

Sehun ran towards the edge of the skyscraper, screaming until his vocal chords gave out. But it was too late.

 

Jongin looked deceptively peaceful if Sehun could look past the angel-wing shaped spray of blood on the pavement reflecting the shooting stars in heaven.

 

 

***

 

 

Jongin was a victim of the world, Sehun realised years later. It took Sehun a long time to get out of his slump of letting Jongin go. Of trusting him. But it wasn’t just the thought of losing something precious and turning his back on the strands with which Sehun could have saved Jongin. It was the foul dust, the smoke that floated in the aftermath of the final sparks of the firework that is Jongin which temporarily turned Sehun away from dreams and aspirations and the world in general. They were both children of the Universe, and the Universe loved them both in letting them meet each other and letting the trapped one free.


	2. Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue: Jongin's story, his pain

J ongin dreamed of flying, even as a kid. It was simple to fly as a child. He just had to lie in bed and flung his arms out. Or, he could pout until his older brother lifted him up to the skies. His brother wasn’t that old himself, but Jongin felt like he could touch the cloud on his brother’s shoulders.

 

But as he grew older, the barriers grew taller. Expectations and responsibility grew exponentially, but Jongin was able to handle them because he had his brother. Despite being piled under mattresses and blankets of expectations, Jongin’s brother still stood strong and protected him and his mother from any impending danger. 

 

It was at an age of 10 when Jongin watched a mighty, strong tree being yanked up by its roots. 

 

It was at 12 when Jongin watched his own brother jump off a building. 

 

Jongin couldn’t breath when he saw his own brother’s corpse fall in front of him. By the time Jongin got over the initial shock that something  _ fell _ in front of him, his brother’s blood has already spread on the concrete. 

 

That night, Jongin dreamed of falling stars and the terrible, shattering sound of a skyscraper being demolished. It sounded like the entire world was crumbling apart. 

His mother became a walking corpse when his brother’s news reached her. She loved her pride and joy. Jongin was merely a backup who didn’t reach her standards. 

Jongin tried and tried, and studied deep into the night. He gave up friends to run home as fast as he can and study until his eyes glazed over and the digital clock said 3am. But it was not enough. 

 

It was at 14 when Jongin’s mother jumped in front of a train. 

 

Jongin didn’t cry, that night. Emptiness and loneliness became his best friends because they were the only two that would never leave. Jongin forced expectations upon expectations, responsibilities upon responsibilities on himself. He studied, while chasing fame and fortune, hoping that it would somehow show his mother that he was worthy. 

 

The barriers and cliffs went up. With each torn hamstring and ligament, Jongin’s will to live became less and less prominent. Every injury meant time that he could not practice. 

 

Jongin wanted to fly again. 

 

But his wings were broken. 

 

 

***

 

 

J ongin’s forgotten who introduced him to drugs. The person probably had already overdosed themselves. After countless LSD, heroin and cocaine trips, he decided to end his misery on the planet with one last overdose. 

 

If anyone asked him for regrets before, he would have stayed silent. But tonight, with no tears or scars except for a shattered heart, he had cried to the winds, to the sky, to the stars and the moon, to the whole damn universe to please, look after Oh Sehun. 

 

And when Sehun did appear. Jongin got to say goodbye. 

 

_ I’m flying, Sehun! I’m flying up and over my barriers.  _

 

_ I’m free and oh so in love with you, Sehun.  _

 

He closed his eyes and flung his arms out. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, nothing much changed.  
> I'm on twitter! Spam @_MetZt_K prompts and random stuff. Wee~


End file.
